Ain't no way this is a 15 minutes music read
Typo:
menyaranakn
lumanyan
teknsi
Kalimat kurang efektif:
"tengah sepi minim orang"
Kritik umum:
- Beberapa kalimat kesannya bisa disatukan, jadi kesannya banyak pemborosan tanda titik.
- Kurang sreg dengan penggunaan Yeesh
- Idk, but for me Rosalina is a bit too easily seducable
- Akan lebih bagus menurutku kalau ada gambar cetak biru dari alatnya, tapi ya emang susah sih bikin model tuh :v
Pros:
Holy shit mate, you said you are not expert in making love story… but the finale sequence almost made me cri, even though I gotta admit some of the dialogue felt wattpadish, but it's beside the main point.
Good luck on your hunt Jaka…
